♪我笨口拙舌♪ ♪-*My words are lazy♪
♪我呆头呆脑♪ ♪My thoughts are hazy♪
♪但有一件事我很确定♪ ♪But this is one thing I'm sure of♪
♪每个人都需要一个好朋友♪ ♪Everybody needs a best friend ♪
♪我很开心我是你的♪ ♪I'm happy I'm yours♪
本剧字幕由擦枪字幕组 原创译制 OCR by China_sky
哦 宝贝 来吧 Oh, baby. Here we go.
节日活动快开始吧 Let the festivities begin.
-一共有多少 -让我看看 How many have we got? - Well, let's see.
一共二十盒 一盒12个鸡蛋 We got 20 cartons, 12 eggs in each.
那就是20打鸡蛋呢 That's got to be like, 20 dozen eggs, right?
真是好极了 Fucking fantastic.
你觉得我们现在干这个是不是太幼稚了 Do you think we're getting too old for this?
拜托 约翰尼 咱们这是为公众服务 Oh, come on, Johnny, we're doing a public service here.
要是一个孩子穿着丑啦吧唧的万圣节装扮 If a kid leaves the house in a less than stellar Halloween
我们就得尽早让他知道 costume, he's got to get the bad news
以免他在整个镇上出尽洋相 before he makes a fool of himself all over town.
我们是大善人 We're Samaritans.
还记得去年吗 You remember last year?
看看这个 Oh, check it out. There's one.
穿的真不错啊 蠢蛋 Hey, nice costume, fuckface!
搞什么啊 Ah! What the hell?
你这穿的是什么 Hey, what the fuck are you supposed to be?
-我是绿巨人浩克 -你才不是呢 - I'm the Hulk. - Yeah, no, you're not.
我就是 Yes, I am!
浩克才不会在身上 The Hulk doesn't have a fucking picture
印一个自己的头像 of the Hulk on his chest.
对啊 浩克的衣服上才不会写 我是浩克 Yeah, the Hulk's shirt doesn't say "The Hulk" on it.
要是你想告诉我们你是浩克 Yeah, if you got to tell us you're the Hulk,
那你已经失败了 it's already a failed narrative.
去死吧 Fuck you.
你们俩混蛋 Ah! You assholes!
浩克生气了 Hulk angry.
-是呢 是呢 -随你吧 老弟 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever, dude.
浩克要出击 Hulk smash!
回药店去出击吧 Yeah, go back to Walgreens and smash there.
你有没有注意到浩克只用第三人称 Hey, you ever notice how the Hulk only talks about himself
称呼自己 in the third person?
我知道 他就像鲍勃·多尔 I know. He's like Bob Dole.
草 Shit!
我们还有多长时间 AlI right, how much time we got?
几小时吧 Uh, a couple hours.
你想做什么 What do you want to do?
-看恐怖电影 -恐怖电影 Scary movie? - Scary movie.
等等 怎么回事 Wait, what the hell?
《德州电锯杀人狂》呢 Where's"Texas Chainsaw Massacre"?
嘿 布莱尔 Hey, hey, Blaire.
咋了 Yeah.
我以为你会去租些恐怖电影呢 I thought you were going to rent scary movies.
我租了啊 I did.
迪士尼的《时光倒流三十年》闹什么呢 Walt Disney's"Watcher in the Woods, "what the fuck?
电锯狂魔什么的又粗鄙又没深度 Chainsaws are lazy and obvious.
这电影很有头脑 This is cerebral.
而且非常恐怖 And it's a really scary movie.
这可是迪士尼的电影 Walt Disney?
80年代早期的迪斯尼 暗黑时期 Early"80s Disney, the dark period.
狗屁暗黑时期 再怎么也是迪士尼啊 Oh, what dark period? It's fucking Disney.
你们会被吓到的 You'll be scared.
拜托 我看过《阿拉丁》没什么好吓人的 Oh, come on, I saw "Aladdin, "and I was fine
我也没坐在那儿大喊 贾法尔 好可怕啊 I wasn't sitting there like, oh, no, fucking Jafar
我们已经不是小孩子了 布莱尔 You know, we're not kids anymore, Blaire.
就是 Yeah.
我连续四次剪头发都没哭 I haven't cried last four haircuts.
-就是 -我都开始用除臭剂了 Yeah. I'm using deodorant now.
就是 除臭剂 Yeah, deodorant.
那行啊 我看你们敢不敢看 Fine, I dare you to watch it.
看看会不会把你们吓到屁滚尿流 See if it doesn't mess you up
-行啊 -没问题 Fine, sure- No problem.
-不 不 -不 不 不 Oh, no. - No, no, no.
-不 不 不 -要我 不喜欢这样 No, no, no. - No, no, I don't like this.
-这感觉很不好 -不 This is not good. No.
别啊 Nope.
不要 不要 不要 both: Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
我不喜欢这样 Don't like this.
-别这样 -住手啊 - Come on. - Oh, stop.
-别啊 -住手啊 Come on. Stop it.
-别这样 -快住手啊 Come on. Oh, stop it!
-别这样 -快住手 Come on. Stop it!
-我去 -别啊 Goddammit! Come on!
-搞什么 -拜托啊 - What the fuck? - Come on!
草 你这个混蛋 布莱尔 Fuck, you're a piece of shit, Blaire.
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
草 草 草 草 草 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
-快拿开 -快关掉 Get it off. - Turn it off.
-赶快给我关掉 -我的天哪 Turn it the fuck off. - Oh, my God.
我再也不敢盯着镜子看了 I'm never looking in a mirror again.
我也是 我的老天爷啊 Me neither fucking God!
我连胡子也不敢刮了 I'm never going to be able to shave.
我谢谢你全家 布莱尔 Yeah. Thanks, Blaire.
他现在只能留胡子了 Now he's going to have to grow a mustache.
这会限制我的职业生涯的 Oh, that's going to limit my career choices
对啊 他就只能当个警察或者消防员了 Yeah, he's going to have to be a cop or a fireman.
-那可都是危险工作 -就是啊 Oh, those are dangerous jobs. Yeah.
万一他死了咋办 What if he gets killed?
天哪 布莱尔 你也太操蛋了 God, Blaire, you're such a fucker.
下次 别因为一个除臭剂 Well, next time, don't be so smug with all
那么自鸣得意啊 your cocky deodorant talk.
你好 Hello?
恐怖电影里面出现镜子就是极度恐怖预警 Man, mirrors in horror movies are like a huge red flag.
嘿 莎伦 怎么了 Oh, hey, Sharon. What's up?
镜子 还有小孩子 Mirrors and small children
指着你看不到的东西 pointing at things that you can't see.
草 没错 这太恐怖了 Oh, shit. Yeah, that's a bad one
天哪 你没事吧 God, are you sure?
还有当一个黑小伙说 Oh, and when the Black guy says
我去看看地下室什么声音 oh, I'll go check out what the noise is in the basement
总会出事情 That's always trouble
多谢你告诉我 Well, thank you for telling me.
对啊 为什么总是黑小伙死掉 Yeah, why does the Black guy always die?
不 没关系 我自己想办法 No, it's fine. I'll figure it out.
这难道不是种族歧视嘛 Yeah, isn't that kind of racist?
感觉就是啊 Seems like it.
这种电影里就应该只有白人 They should have only white people in those movies.
对啊 这样黑小伙就不会死了 Oh, yeah, so then the Black guys won't get killed.
好 我待会联系你 Yeah, I'll talk to you later.
布莱尔 我们想到一个好主意 Blaire, we just came up with a great way
让电影不再那么种族主义 to make movies less racist.
莎伦特别不想去 Sharon is conscientiously objecting
今天的化妆派对 所以我需要一个司机 to this costume party tonight, so I need a designated driver.
-你能去吗 -我 Can you do it? - Me?
不 今晚不行 No, not tonight.
我和泰迪有好多事要干呢 Yeah, me and Ted got massive plans.
可我自己开不了车 Well, I can't drive myself.
我肯定会喝了一肚子果冻酒 I'lI be full of Jell- O shots.
喝点酒而已 那有什么的 So you have a few drinks, big deal.
你知道不 人们从不告诉你醉驾是什么感觉 You know what nobody ever talks about with drunk driving?
超级有趣的 How fun it is.
约翰还没考驾照呢 John doesn't have his license yet.
-而你 -这就好像打电玩一样 And you- - It's like a video game.
-你欠我的 -欠你什么了 You owe me. - For what?
苏珊阿姨发现你们租的黄片 I took the heat went Aunt Suze found
我帮你们顶了黑锅啊 the porno you guys rented.
这关我啥事 她又不是我老妈 What do I care? She's not my mom.
我妈妈是中国一个11岁的患关节炎的小孩 My mom's an 11- year- old kid in China with arthritis.
你怎么知道的 How do you know that?
因为她在我腿里缝了一张纸条 Because she sewed a note in my leg that says
写着她从来没吃过蔬菜 she's never had a vegetable
拜托 泰迪 你一定得载我 Come on, Ted. Please, you got to drive me.
今晚不行 布莱尔 It's not a good night, Blaire.
我们有安排了 We got plans. - Yeah.
我要去洗个澡 把自己弄得毛茸茸的 Now, I'm going to go shower and fluff myself,
这样我就能自信满满的 so I can be in a confident head space
嘲笑那些不给糖就捣蛋的小屁孩 to shame trick- or- treaters.
我越可爱 杀伤力就越大 The cuter I look, the worse they feel.
护发素去哪儿了 Ah, where's the goddamn conditioner?
帮帮我 Help me.
当我的司机吧 Be my designated driver.
我的老天爷啊 布莱尔 你搞什么 Jesus Christ, Blaire, what the fuck!
怎么了 Well?
你什么毛病啊 What the fuck is wrong with you?
-我光着呢 -你整天都是光着的 I'm naked. - You're always naked.
可我现在是在洗澡 Yeah, but I'm bathroom naked.
在洗我光溜溜的熊熊身体 I'm washing my bear parts.
快走开 Get lost.
-帮帮我 -老天爷啊 Help me. - Ah, Jesus Christ!
载我去派对吧 Drive me to the party.
我说了不行 别再吓唬我了 I said no. Stop fucking scaring me.
天哪 God!
很简单 你答应我就好了啊 You can end this very easily, you know.
我不会被你勒索的 I will not be blackmailed.
没有什么比基尔肯尼山更加 There's nothing like the scent of the hills of Kilkenny
清新舒爽的味道了 to make you feel fresh.
我们将之放进每一块 And we put a bit of that into every bar
爱尔兰之春香皂中 of Irish Spring.
这广告太夸大其词了 This whole ad campaign is a bluff.
你什么意思 What do you mean?
就好像在说 你知道什么味道好闻吗 It's like, you know who smells good?
爱尔兰 The Irish.
那个叫谢默斯·波义耳的演员也很好闻呢 Yeah, a guy named Seamus Boyle smells great.
这儿是不是很暖和啊 Is it warm in here?
的确很暖和 Yeah, it is kind of warm.
感觉像是有人调高了暖气 Yeah, it feels like somebody turned up the heat.
我去看看恒温器 I'm going to check the thermostat.
-不 等等 -怎么了 No, wait. - What?
是她 It's her.
是布莱尔 It's fucking Blaire.
你打开门 她就会带着条白布蒙住眼睛 You open that door, she's going to be right there
出现在你面前 with that fucking blindfold.
我来把窗户打开 Here, I'll open a window.
帮帮我 Help me.
我帮你就是了 我的天哪 All right, goddammit!
禁忌甜甜圈 Forbidden donut.
诶呦 诶呦 刚吃掉什么吗 Well, well, finishing something?
记住 你一把这个吃完 Now, remember the instant you finish it
我的天哪 Oh, my Godl
你俩看上去好可爱啊 You two look so adorable
谢谢 Thank you.
来让我猜猜你们装扮的是谁 AlI right, let me guess who you are.
布莱尔 你是蝙蝠侠 Blaire, you're Batman.
差不多 是猫女 Close, Catwoman.
好的 OK.
泰迪 你是《阿拉伯的劳伦斯》 And, Ted, you're Lawrence of Arabia.
嗯 你说的没错 Yeah, that's exactly right.
好了 别担心 约翰尼 AlI right, now don't worry, Johnny.
我九点钟就回来 对吧 布莱尔 I'lI be back by 9: 00 Right Blaire?
-我们说好了的 -行吧 随便你 That was the deal. - Yeah, sure, whatever.
我们会错过第一轮的 We're going to miss the first round.
但那时候都是些小孩子 Yeah, but that's just the little kids.
我们还有大把时间羞辱青春期小孩 We'll have plenty of time to shame the puberty crowd.
行吧 Yeah, I guess.
好了 我们得走了 OK, well, we got to go.
好的 你们俩 AlI right you two.
好好玩啊 You have a fun time now.
约翰尼 别愁眉苦脸的 Oh, Johnny, don't look so sad.
我给你准备了一个有趣的小惊喜 I have a fun surprise for you.
是什么 What is it?
我在房间里藏了一个巧克力棒 I've hidden a Heath bar somewhere in this house.
能给我个提示吗 Can I get a hint?
哎 我怎么能这么为难你呢 Oh, I can't do this to you.
就在篮子里 It's in the hamper.
我去拿 I'll go get it.
布莱尔 Blaire!
-我的天哪 -你可真漂亮 Oh, my God. - You look so good.
你看上去美极了 You look so good.
你们看上去好棒啊 Oh, you guys look amazing.
-你才是好看极了 -美死了 You look amazing. - Stunning.
他是泰迪 This is Ted.
泰迪 你认识莎拉 Ted, you know Sarah.
她是佩吉 And this is Paige. - Hey.
嘿 泰迪 怎么样啊 Hey, Ted. How's it going?
嘿 你好 Hey, how are you?
你装扮的是谁 What's your costume?
是个穴居人吗 Are you a caveman?
你没看过《星球大战3: 绝地归来》吗 You ever see"Return of the Jedi"?
这是个小型独立电影 It was kind of a small independent film,
主要是由以色列投资的 mostly Israeli financed.
我不跟男的约会 没必要知道这种事 Yeah, I don't date men, so I don't need to learn this.
来吧 今天咱们不醉不归 Well, come on, we need to get you guys wasted.
好啊 我没问题 但泰迪还要开车带我回家 Yes, yes for me, but Ted here is my designated driver.
看来就我能清醒着 Yeah, I'm the guy that gets to listen
听摇滚乐了 to the Spin Doctors sober.
真扫兴 t That sucks. Come on.
喝一杯吗 Want a drink?
不行 我要开车呢 I can't, I'm driving.
那可惜了 Oh, too bad.
我一直都挺想跟一只泰迪熊喝一杯的 I always wanted to do a shot with a teddy bear.
管他的 现在还不开车呢 Fuck it, I'm not driving yet.
我一直都想和泰迪熊一起抽两口 I always wanted to smoke weed with a teddy bear.
给老子点上 Sign me up.
我一直想和泰迪熊一块吸我的注意缺陷多动障碍药 I always wanted to snort my ADHD meds with a teddy bear.
你要是想求助 那就找错人了 If that's a cry for help, you got the wrong guy.
好耶 Yeah!
好啦 孩子们 AII righty, kids.
你们保重 万圣节快乐哟 You take care now, and happy Halloween.
说谢谢 孩子们 Say thank you, kids.
谢谢 Thank you.
不客气 Oh, you're welcome.
要小心剃须刀片 好吗 And be careful of the razor blades, all right?
这东西到处都是 They're everywhere.
马蒂 Matty.
去拿抗生素 Get the bacitracin.
抗生 为什么 The bacitra- - why?
我被一只鸵鸟咬了 An ostrich bit me.
-一只什么 -倒霉催的鸵鸟 - A what? - A goddamn ostrich!
我在博克斯福德帮一个人装栅栏 I was installing a fence for a guy over in Boxford.
他养了鸵鸟 不想让他们 And he keeps ostriches, doesn't want them getting
跑出去 past the property line.
其中有一只咬了我的屁股 And one of them bit me on the fucking ass!
我还从来没亲眼见到过鸵鸟呢 Wow, I've never seen an ostrich in person before.
你的工作真有意思 Your job is so interesting.
苏珊 你赶紧先帮帮我吧 Susan, will you help me out here?
我去拿抗生素 I'lI get the bacitracin.
说不定你还能停下来 Yeah, and maybe we call a moratorium
把无花果饼干包在小纸条里 on you sticking Fig Newtons in my pocket wrapped
塞进我的口袋 in a little goddamn note!
妈 我们家还有薯 Hey, Mom, do we have any more chip-
好好看看吧 约翰尼 Take a long look, Johnny.
这就是人生 This is what life is.
干杯 小混蛋们 Cheers, fucksticks. - Whoo!
你们想看点儿吓人的吗 Hey, you guys want to see something terrifying?
看好了 Watch this.
大家一起挥手啊 Everybody wave your arms!
大家一起跳 Everybody jump in the air!
让我们入侵波兰 Let's invade Poland!
看到没 这就是米尔格拉姆的服从实验 See that? That's the Milgram experiment.
舞蹈就是一切的开端 That's how it starts, with dancing.
《浑身是劲》里的老爸说得对 The dad from"Footloose" was right.
哦 该死 Oh, shit!
已经八点半了 It's 8: 30.
布莱尔 布莱尔 八点半了 Blaire, Blaire, it's 8: 30.
我们得走了 We got to go.
天 我从没意识到你的毛发这么顺滑 God, I never noticed how beautiful your hair is.
天然风干后就是这样的吗 Does it just naturally dry like that?
快别说了 Shut the fuck up.
你的头发也很飘逸动人呢 Your hair's the beautiful hair.
等等 你 Wait a minute, are- -
你喝醉了吗 are you drunk?
我有一点 就一点 I'mjust a little- - it's sort of.
-没事的 -你喝醉了 It's fine. - You're fucking drunk!
你也醉了呀 Well, so are you.
可我们本来就是这样说好的 Yeah, well, that was the plan.
抱歉 Sorry.
那我们还怎么回家啊 How the hell are we supposed to get home?
你已经醉得不行了 You're completely fucked up.
路很好找啊 It's a straight shot.
沿着尼波恩赛特环线 走到南路93号 再到西路90号 You take the Neponset Circle, to 93 South, to 90 West,
到北路495号 然后走U型转弯 to 495 North, and you just do that U- turn
到警察局门前的红绿灯处 at the light in front of the police station,
就到家了 and you're home.
我才不要坐你的车 Yeah, no, I'm not getting in a car with you.
听着 木已成舟 Look, what's done is done.
可我们都向约翰尼保证过 But we both promised Johnny we'd get me back
让我按时回家一起砸鸡蛋的 in time for egging, all right?
我可以开车的 I'm fine to drive.
你不能醉酒开我的车 You're not driving my car drunk, OK?
那是我的车 It's- it's my car.
要开也该我醉着开 I should be the drunk driver.
好吧 说得有理 AlI right, fair enough.
我来帮忙 我看到什么就喊你 I'll help by screaming out things I see.
嗨 布莱尔 Hey, Blaire.
达蒙教授 你好啊 Professor Damon, hi.
-这位是谁 -你还好吧 - Who's this now? - How are you?
很好 很好 Good, good.
感觉很犀利 Feeling sharp.
给我闭嘴 Shut the fuck up.
喜欢你这身蝙蝠侠装扮 I love the Batman costume.
多谢 Oh, thanks.
这位是哪儿来的阿拉伯的劳伦斯啊 And who's Lawrence of Arabia here?
泰迪 那位会说话的泰迪熊 你好 Ted, talking teddy bear, hi.
哦 泰迪 当然了 Oh, Ted. Yes, of course.
你的故事我可是记得很清楚 I remember your story very well.
好吧 很高兴认识你 Yeah. Well, it's nice meeting you.
走吧 我们走 布莱尔 Come on. Let's go, Blaire.
你们赶时间吗 You in a rush?
来我家玩一会儿呗 Why don't you come up to the house for a minute?
我想和你聊两句 There's something I'd like to talk to you about.
我刚去了商店 I just went to the store.
我可以做点卡布里沙拉 I could whip us up a little caprese salad.
好啊 好啊 当然可以 Yeah, yeah, sure.
我爱吃沙拉 I love salad.
喂 喂 等等啊 Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, hang on.
你也一起来 泰迪 Oh, you're invited too, Ted.
待会儿见吧 See you in a few?
好极了 Awesome, yeah.
-待会儿见 -好嘞 See you in a few. - OK.
你个笨蛋脑袋 You buttnut!
我向约翰尼保证过九点前回家的 I promised Johnny I'd be home by 9: 00.
你显然不知道那人是谁 You clearly don't know who that is.
一个50多岁骑电瓶车的家伙呗 人生赢家啊 Yeah, a guy in his 50s riding a moped, fucking winner.
他是卢卡斯·达蒙 我的英国文学教授 That is Lucas Damon, my English lit professor.
就是那个被《纽约时报》评为 The Lucas Damon who also happens to be
最畅销小说作家的卢卡斯·达蒙 a"New York Times"best- selling novelist.
小说讲的是个买不起车的家伙吗 Yeah, was the novel about a guy who couldn't afford a car?
讲的是 Was the guy- -
不 他正在为下一本小说 no, he's looking for a student research
挑选一位学生研究助理 assistant for his next book.
几乎所有人都想要这份工作 Literally everybody wants this job.
我爱吃沙拉 "I love salad. "
我就知道你在撒谎 没人喜欢吃沙拉 See, I knew you were lying. Nobody loves salad.
我喜欢啊 我真的喜欢吃沙拉 I do. I really love salad.
这个星球决不可能有一个人喜欢吃沙拉 Not one person on this planet loves salad.
-我就是喜欢 -假设你是个死囚犯 - I do. - You're on death row.
你的最后一餐饭 可以选择牛排或者沙拉 Your last meal, you can have a steak or a salad.
-我会选沙拉 -去你的 - I'm going to choose a salad. - Fuck you!
就给你吃牛排 You're getting a steak.
看看你对那家人做的事吧 After what you did to that family- -
那宝宝的耳朵在天花板上啊 the baby's ear was on the ceiling!
我做这份工作20年了 I've been doing this job 20 years.
从没见过这么恐怖的场面 I never seen anything so horrible.
-什么 -老天 我果然是醉糊涂了 - What? - Oh, Christ, I'm fucked up
还好是你开车 Yeah, it's good you're driving. - Eh.
我最新的作品是一部历史小说 My latest work is a piece of historical fiction
参考了19世纪新英格兰的种族和阶级状况 that examines race and class in 19th century New England.
听上去好棒 Wow, that sounds incredible.
对了 沙拉真好吃 Hey, great salad, by the way.
不加面包丁是我的最爱了 I love that there are no croutons.
通过一个玛莎葡萄园岛 It explores the balance between sociopolitical change
的劳工组织者的经历 and personal relationships as seen
探索了社会政治变革和人际关系 through the eyes of a labor organizer
之间的平衡 in Martha's Vineyard.
有一处情节转折点会让你大跌眼镜 There's a plot twist that will shock you.
能给我一个不是30度温热的 Hey, can I maybe have a different can of Schweppes
怡泉汽水吗 that's not 85 degrees?
知道吗 约翰·艾文总喜欢以小说最后一句话 You know, John Irving always starts a novel
作为小说的开头 with the last sentence.
而我喜欢用倒数第二句话作为开头 I like to start with the second to last.
你想听听吗 Would you like to hear it?
当然了 Absolutely.
当克拉拉 The horizon wept
一丝不挂的躯体加入到人群之中时 as Clara's undraped mortal frame
地平线也在哭泣 joined the coiled multitudes,
喜悦 革命 elation, revolution,
那是血的苦涩滋味 a taste of bitter blood.
太精彩了 It's brilliant.
这唤醒了詹姆斯·乔伊斯善的一面 It evokes the best of James Joyce
又没有过分包装和渲染 without feeling derivative or overly aureate.
你简直是我肚里的蛔虫 Hey, how'd you get inside my head?
我再拿些喝的来 I'lI freshen our drinks.
泰迪 克莱尔肯定警告过你了 我是个有趣的教授 Ted, I'm sure Blaire has warned you, I'm the fun professor.
好吧 OK.
我滴个老天爷啊 Jesus fucking Christ.
-你是在耍我吗 -怎么了 Are you shitting me? - What?
什么叫怎么了 What do you mean, what?
我们在这儿浪费时间 We're sitting here wasting time
就因为那个老色批想上了你 because this fucking horndog just wants to bang you.
你说什么呢 Excuse me.
你是怎么得出这个结论的 Where the hell are you getting that?
我的天哪 布莱尔 这还不明显吗 Oh, my God, Blaire, it's so obvious.
他邀请你去他家 还把你灌醉 He invites you to his place, he gets you drunk- -
我可没醉 OK, I'm not drunk.
你说什么呢 Ale What are you talking about?
我最喜欢不带面包丁了 "I love that there are no croutons. "
这叫礼貌好吗 Yeah, it's called being polite.
-你怎么会 -你也该试试 When did you become- - You should fucking try it.
因为一个老混蛋而讨厌面包丁呢 anti crouton just for this buttnut?
我只是在和人聊天 I'm trying to make fucking conversation.
顺便一提 我猜这肯定是 And by the way, I'm guessing this is
他第一次见你这么打扮 the first time he's seen you dressed like this,
和你平时的风格不同 as opposed to your usual fashion,
简直就是逛跳蚤市场的梅丽莎·埃斯里奇 which is basically Melissa Ethridge at a flea market.
被人勾搭了我能察觉到的 好吗 I know when I'm being hit on, OK?
-我有七个叔叔 -我告诉你 I have seven uncles. - You know what else?
我就要直说 那沙拉尝起来 I'm just going to say it, that salad tastes
就像达斯汀·霍夫曼的蛋蛋 like Dustin Hoffman's balls.
我又拿来几瓶酒 Here we go, more wine.
还是说我们调皮一点 直接开始喝白兰地 Or should we be naughty and start on the cognac?
那个我们得走了 Yeah. Listen, we got to go.
我得回去吃治糖尿病的药了 I got to take medicine for my diabetes.
真遗憾 你患了糖尿病 Oh, I'm so sorry. You have diabetes?
是啊 可严重了 Oh, yeah, real bad.
一型还是二型 Oh. Type 1 or 2?
刚开始只是个普通的糖尿病 Well, it started with just one diabete.
然后疏于检查 就 And then, you know, left unchecked- -
我完全理解 I completely understand.
我母亲和姐姐都是因糖尿病死亡 Diabetes killed my mother and my older sister.
好极了 多谢你邀请我们 布莱尔 快走 Great, thanks for having us. Come on, Blaire.
咱们赶快离开这儿 Let's get the fuck out of here, huh?
很荣幸 Pleasure.
正如博尔赫斯所说 As Borges said,
每一次告别 都是在学习 With every goodbye, you learn"
正如斯坦贝克所说 As Steinbeck said,
告别有一种甜蜜的不情愿的声音 Farewell has a sweet sound of reluctance.
告别既短暂却又是终了 Goodbye is short and final. "
正如海明威所说 我真想知道这枪子儿是什么滋味 As Hemingway said, "I wonder what this gun tastes like. "
好了 我们走 快走 AlI right, come on. Let's go, huh?
约翰尼 你看上去还是很难过 Oh, Johnny, you still look so sad.
已经九点多了 It's after 9: 00.
泰迪说过这个时间会回来的 Ted promised to be back by now.
真遗憾 宝贝 Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
要是你想的话 可以帮我 Well, if you want, you can help me clean
清理你爸的鸵鸟咬伤 your father's ostrich bite.
你认真的吗 Seriously?
你让我干这个 处理我老爹的屁股 That's- that's your best offer, Dad's ass?
不如你邀请个朋友过来啊 Well, what if you invited a friend over?
你是真不知道吗 我只有泰迪一个朋友 In case you haven't noticed, Ted's my only friend.
教会遇到的那个可爱的女人 卡罗尔 That lovely new woman from church, Carol,
说她有个儿子 said she has a son.
我想他可能和你差不多大 I think he's about your age.
我不在乎 I don't care.
他可能和你一样成了个年轻人 He's probably growing into his body just like you.
我要邀请他过来吗 Should I invite him over?
什么鬼不要 What the fuck? No.
我打给卡罗尔问问吧 I think I'll call Carol.
为什么 Why?
苏珊 纱布又掉下来了 Susan, the gauze came off.
又出血了 It's leaking again.
苏珊 Susan.
约翰尼 拿件你不穿的T恤跟我来卫生间 Johnny, meet me in the bathroom with a T- shirt you don't wear.
不要带印花的 Nothing with a decal!
我天 你特么能看着点路吗 Oh, my God. Can you fucking watch the road?
-刚才是红灯啊 -我看见了 That was a red light. - I see it.
我只是 选择不让它来定义我 I just- - I choose not to let it define me.
停车 我来开车 Pull over I'm going to drive.
去他的吧 Fuck that.
是你非跟那个阴文学教授 You're the one who was chugging wine
不停喝酒 with that professor of cliterature.
就是文学这个词 You know, like- like literature, but like- -
-嗯 别说了 -然后前面加个阴蒂 - Yeah, no. - With like, a clitoris.
-我知道你什么意思 -好吧 - I know what you mean. - All right.
我就怕你不知道嘛 真是的 Just checking, God. Jesus Christ.
你就是个白痴 Yeah, and you're a fucking moron, by the way.
-你知道吧 -我是白痴 You know that? - I'm a moron?
为什么我是白痴 Why am I a moron?
那个人是个杰出的作家 That man is a brilliant writer.
你是个啥 And what are you?
一个游手好闲的过期泰迪熊 还有毒瘾 A deadbeat teddy bear with a drug problem.
嘿 至少我还有毒瘾 Hey, at least I have a drug problem.
等等 什么 抱歉 Wait, what? Sorry.
草 我真是操蛋 Fuck. I'm really fucked up, man.
太好了 也许这样你就能承认 Great, well, you know, maybe then you can
你根本不知道 acknowledge the fact that you have no idea
自己在说什么 what you're talking about.
你能闭上嘴好好开车吗 Look, will you just shut up and drive?
开车的是你好吗 You're driving!
草 Oh, fuck!
好吧 刚才那是个红灯 OK, that was a red light.
嘿 亲 我回来了 Hey, honey, I'm home.
我让你买的是咸味苏打饼干 I told you to get the salted crackers.
约翰尼 下楼啊 Johnny, come on downstairs!
约翰 这位是威尔 我跟你说的那个男孩 John, this is Will, the boy I was telling you about.
哟哟哟 Yo, yo, yo.
威尔也正不知道万圣节做什么好呢 Will's also looking for something to do on Halloween.
约翰今晚需要个朋友 Oh. - John needs a friend tonight.
因为他的泰迪熊不在所以他有点不开心 He's upset because his teddy bear's not here.
没问题 That's cool, man.
哇 这地方简直像个宅邸 Wow, this place is like a mansion.
我去给你们做点恐怖饼干去 I'm going to go make you boys some spooky cookies.
有羊排就好了 I'lI take a lamb chop, though.
如果你们有的话 就当个开胃菜了 If you got one, just get it going.
我可以接受的 I'll take it.
那么 你今晚打算干啥 It's so what do you wanna do?
你多大了 How old are you?
38 38.
我选择跟我妈一起住 I live with my mom by choice.
给你介绍下我自己吧 Uh- huh. A little bit about myself.
我在通用磨坊从事质管工作 I work in quality control at General Mills.
早餐的每一批麦片我都会严格检查 I inspect every batch of breakfast cereal.
我就是你的嘴和老鼠屎之间的 I'm the last line of defense between your mouth
最后一道防线 and rat feces.
我希望你擅长自己的工作 I- - I hope you're good at your job.
我不擅长 别再吃麦片了 I'm not. Stop eating cereal.
还有什么呢 What else is there?
我有钢铁丹的所有唱片 I own every Steely Dan album.
我是个玩地下城的专家 I'm an expert dungeon master.
我涉猎了畜牧业 I dabble in animal husbandry.
我想说的是 约翰尼 I guess what I'm trying to say, Johnny,
你也可以拥有这么多 is you can have it all.
要来口酒不 You want a Zima?
不用了 谢谢 A Zi- - no, I'm good.
你想看小黄片儿吗 You want to look at some porn?
你有黄片 You got porn?
必须的必啊 Fuck yeah, I got porn.
给 看吧 Here, check this out.
这是画的啊 These are drawings.
对啊 Yeah.
这是你画的黄片 This is this is porn that you drew.
是 我妈不让我看黄片 Yeah, my mom won't let me look at the real stuff
因为里面有香烟广告 所以 because of the cigarette ads, so...
-为什么都是 -我画不了手活 Why- why are they all- - - Oh, I can't do hands.
所以 Oh. So...
你知道最诡异的地方是什么吗 You know what the weirdest part is, man?
现在如果有女孩用手 我就特别烦 Now when a girl has hands, I hate it.
这是薇诺娜·瑞德在上霹雳猫王吗 Is that Winona Ryder fucking Lion- O?
就是薇诺娜·瑞德在上 对 That is Winona Ryder fuck- - yeah.
我多画了不少毛 I gave her a ton of bush.
我觉得她本人应该没有这么多 I doubt she has that much bush in real life,
但这就是艺术的魅力嘛 but that's the beauty of art, right?
你想象什么就是什么 It can be anything we imagine it to be.
他的老二是把剑 His dick is a sword.
你永远猜不到他的剑是什么 You'll never guess what his sword is.
-是老二吧 -老二 - Is it a dick? - A dick.
-嗯 -是老二 Yeah. It's a dick.
这张让我特别性奋 This one gets me so good.
有哪张是你看了感觉特别性奋的吗 Do you ever look at one that gets you good?
画不会 但 Not a drawing, but not- -
在这之前没有 not before this.
那你就肯定是方式不对 Then you're not doing it right.
给我 Oh. - Give them back.
我真特么不敢相信你居然把车给撞了 Oh, I can't fucking believe you just did that!
我贷款还没还完一半呢 I'm not even halfway done with payments on this car.
天 这车你还花钱了 Jesus, you paid for this car?
闭嘴吧 这车挺好的 Oh, shut up. It's a great car.
天 布莱尔 有个孩子在底下 Oh, my God, Blaire, there's a kid in the grill!
-什么 -我逗你呢 What? - I'm just kidding.
看你吓的 Look at your face.
王八蛋 Motherfucker!
但你看哈 这么一比 现实生活也没那么糟糕了 Yeah, but see, now real life ain't so bad, right?
不不 我们得赶紧在警察到之前 No, no, we gotta get this thing
把这车给拖走 towed before the cops show up.
因为我们都喝酒了 Oh, because we've been drinking.
没错 艾萨克·牛顿先生 我们喝酒了 Yes, Isaac Newton, because we've been fucking drinking.
等会 为什么我们不告诉警察 Well, wait a minute, why don't we
我们是在撞车后 just tell the cops that we started
才开始喝酒的呢 drinking after we crashed?
对吧 因为我们撞了 特别气 Right, we were so pissed about the crash,
于是就喝了9瓶啤酒 that we had nine beers.
你这主意还真不错 You know, that's actually a great idea.
-真的吗 -对 Really? - Yeah.
你解决了我们酒驾的问题 I think you just solved drunk driving.
-我真的解决了 -当然没有 你个蠢货 - I did, didn't I? - No, you dipshit.
我们得去找个电话 We gotta go find a phone.
他们怎么说 Well, what'd they say?
他们说电话只给店员用 Uh, they said phone is for employees only.
还有 你个醉鬼 赶紧从厨房给我出去 Also, get the fuck out of the kitchen, you drunk.
靠 Shit. - Yeah.
给 我偷了个苹果派给你 Here, I stole you an apple pie.
谢了 Oh, thanks. - Mm- hmm.
我不知道为什么 Well, you know, I don't know why
总觉得你跟家里的那几个白入垃圾 I always think you're not white trash
不太一样 like the rest of the family.
去你妈的 Fuck you.
因为你是真不一样 Because you are.
赶紧吃你的吧 OK, just eat it.
小小心了 麦当劳的苹果派总是特别烫口 Careful, McDonald's apple pies are always a little hot.
-我勒个去 -天 Oh, Jesus Christl- Ah, God!
-他们为特么什么要这样啊 -天 Why the fuck do they do that? - Ah, God!
我不知道 I don't know.
现在应该凉了吧 It's probably cooled off by now, though.
我靠 Oh, goddammitl
这晚上真特么见鬼了 This fucking goddamn night.
也许我们可以叫个出租 Maybe we can call a cab.
我没钱了 你连衣兜都没有 I don't have any cash, and you don't have any pockets.
我们得给家打个对方付费电话 We've got to find a payphone and call home.
喂 Hello?
有一通对方付费电话 Will you accept a collect call from this- -
不接 No.
好吧 让我想想 AlI right, just let me think for a second.
好吧 现在我们离学校不远 OK, look, we're not too far from campus.
不如我们走回去 然后用达蒙的电话 Why don't we just walk back and use Damon's phone?
那个变态吗 That pervert?
-什么 -才不要 - What? - Fuck no.
为什么 Why not? I mean- -
因为他现在可能正把你坐过的垫子 Because he's probably back there right now
放到锅里去煮准备当做汤底呢 boiling the cushion you sat on to make soup stock.
你到底想不想回家了 Well, you want to get home in time or not?
布莱尔 我知道你没看出来 Blaire, I know you don't see it, OK,
但我真的不信任那家伙 but I don't trust that guy.
-我的天哪 -我不信任他 - Oh, my God. - I don't trust him.
我觉得他满脑子只有一件事 那就是打炮 I think he's got one thing on his mind, filthy doings.
行吧 我明白你是关心我 OK, look, I get your concern for me, or whatever,
但我是个成年人了 好吗 but I'm an adult, OK?
我可以照顾好自己 I can take care of myself.
布莱尔 你有见过老男人的老二吗 Blaire, have you ever seen an old man penis?
就像融化了的咖啡冰淇淋 It's like a melted pint of coffee ice cream.
充满了悲伤 就好像 There's a sadness to it, almost like it
它记得自己之前的样子似的 remembers how it used to look.
看上去就好像它想隐藏 I mean, it looks like- - like it's trying to hide,
但却太累了 but it's too tired.
不不 你知道它看起来像什么吗 No, no. You know what it looks like?
看起来就像伯特·拉尔脱下了 It looks like Bert Lahr when he took
《绿野仙踪》里胆小狮的衣服 但他脸上却还化着妆 off the Cowardly Lion suit but he still had the makeup on.
就是 靠 It's- oh, shit.
你最后一句听到的是啥 What was the last one you heard?
我们戴上昨天晚上做的服装吧 Let's put on our costumes that we made last night.
好了 OK.
你喜欢看电影吗 You like movies?
喜欢 Yeah.
我有个牛仔竞技死亡的录像 我们可以一起看 I got a VHS of rodeo deaths we could watch.
牛仔竞技死亡 Rodeo deaths?
就是真正的死亡那种 You know, there's something about real death.
让你特别性奋 Just like it just turns you on, you know?
为什么我们都会这样呢 Why is that for all of us?
我 说实话我回答不了这个问题 I- - I honestly can't answer that question.
我逗你玩呢 I'm totally fucking with you.
不过我确实有个录像带 Seriously though, I do have the tape.
我们把衣服脱了一起看吧 We could take off our shirts, just watch it together.
行 行 不如下次吧 Yeah, yeah. Maybe next time.
我还是逗你的 I'm fucking with you again.
我天 你都差点要脱了 Oh, my God. You were about to do it.
-不 我没有 -你有 - No, no, I wasn't. - You were.
你的上衣都要脱一半了 Your shirt's like, halfway off already.
-我才没有 -不过有可能哦 No, it's fucking not. - Nah, it could be though.
我们想脱就可以脱 We could have it off if we wanted to.
-你知道有个东西特别棒吗 -什么 You know what's great? - What?
可卡因 Crack. - Ah.
比如有人说 You know how, like, someone's like,
我喜欢巧克力蛋糕 oh, I like chocolate cake.
好好吃啊 就像可卡因一样 It's so good, it's like crack.
这就是真的可卡因 This is actually crack.
有很多负面报道吧 Gets a lot of bad press.
但我跟你说吧 这东西完全不像他们说的那样 Gotta tell you, furthest thing from whack.
我就不用了 谢谢 Yeah, I'll pass on that. Thanks.
感觉到你好像带着股批判腔呢 Picking up a little bit of a judgy vibe there.
这可是可卡因啊 Yeah, it's crack.
好吧 Uh, OK.
我敢打赌说 I bet you have some idiosyncrasies
你肯定也有些我觉得诡异的怪癖 I might find a little odd.
我觉得可卡因算不上怪癖吧 I don't think crack, like, counts as an idiosyncrasy.
我能用下你的电话吗 Can I use your phone?
行吧 就在那边 Yeah, yeah, there's one right over there.
我明天想睡个懒觉 Yeah, so I just want to sleep in tomorrow,
所以我得打给办公室说有炸弹警告 so I'm just going to call in a bomb scare to my office.
看看是谁回来了 Well, look who's back.
又是我们 Us again.
嘿 今天是万圣节还是圣诞节啊 Hey, is it Halloween or is it Christmas?
-请进 -谢谢 Come on in. - Thank you.
电话还是占线 Phone's still busy.
那边到底是怎么回事 What the fuck is going on over there?
约翰尼可能很担心我在哪里 Johnny's probably freaking out wondering where I am.
达蒙教授 我们很抱歉 Professor Damon, we're so sorry
这样麻烦你 to inconvenience you like this.
一点也不麻烦 我很高兴有人来陪我 Not at all. I'm happy for the company.
既然你来了 Say, as long as I've got you here,
我想给你看样东西 there's something I'd like to show you.
哦天哪 要来力 Oh, God. Here it comes.
盯着蛋蛋看 这样会容易接受一点 Just stare at the balls. It'll be better that way.
这是我下一本书的开篇 It's the opening chapter of my next book.
昨天刚写完 Just finished it yesterday.
你想读一下吗 Would you like to read it?
天啊 我很荣幸 Oh, my God. I'd be honored.
太棒了 Fabulous.
不要让那些错别字困扰你 Don't let the typos throw you.
他是个有阅读障碍的叙述者 He's a dyslexic narrator.
泰迪 趁我们正紧张地等待布莱尔的判决 Ted, why don't you and I play some
不如我们先去打打台球吧 billiards while I nervously await Blaire's verdict?
欢迎来到我的台球室 Welcome to my billiard room.
好了 哥们 我们得好好谈谈 AlI right, buddy, you and me got to have a little talk.
我很乐意 I'd love to.
我先给你倒杯酒怎么样 How about I freshen your drink first?
很好 Fine.
哎呦 Whoops.
你好 泰迪 Hello, Ted.
这是到底怎么回事 哥们 Uh, whatwhat's going on there, buddy?
我想和你做爱 I want to make love to you.
我相信当你对某人有感觉时 I believe forthright honesty is the only approach when you
直率的诚实是唯一的方法 have feelings for somebody.
我这一生都在等待像你这样的小熊 I've been waiting all my life for someone like you
你毛茸茸的曲线 你无穷的奇思妙想 Your furry curves, your boundless whimsy
我的奇思妙想有穷的 It it has bounds.
自从你今晚走出我的家门 I've been going crazy since you
我都快疯了 walked out my door tonight.
我希望我们一起进行私通 I want us to have illicit congress together.
你知道 布莱尔真的很喜欢你 You know, Blaire is really into you.
我不在乎 I don't care
我要的是你 It's you I want.
是的 我 Yeah, I- -
我不和别的熊约会 I don't date other bears.
我不一定要当一只熊 I don't have to be a bear.
如果你愿意 我可以是一匹小马 I could be a pony if you prefer,
或者是一只长着彩色羽毛有一个功能齐全的泄殖腔的鸟 or a bird with colorful plumage and a functioning cloaca.
是啊 孩子 你知道的 这是行不通的 Yeah, boy, you know, it just wouldn't work out.
我不在乎别人怎么想 I don't care what people would think.
如果我能挽着你参加学院活动 If I could take you on my arm to faculty events,
我就不会感到尴尬了 I wouldn't be embarrassed
对我来说 这不是问题的终点 Yeah, that's not the holdup for me.
我明白了 I see.
所以你的答案是否定的 So your answer is no.
教授 你介意我用一下你的卫生间吗 Hey, Professor, do you mind if I use your bathr- -
布莱尔 Blaire.
对你看完了吗 有什么想法吗 Any thoughts about the pages you read?
太好了 Great.
很 很棒 Uh, they they were great.
那向丁尼生致敬那段呢 And the homage to Tennyson?
可行吗 Did that play it all?
嗯 很好 Uh, fine.
我们自己出去 We'll let ourselves out.
你知道 如果我们能把这件事保密的话 You know, if we could just kind of keep this quiet.
我是出了名的高风亮节 I have a reputation as a guy who doesn't do this.
当然 当然 Sure, of course.
但有一个条件 你让布莱尔 On one condition, you make Blaire
做你的研究助理 your research assistant.
没关系 泰迪 That's OK, Ted.
不不 不不 布莱尔 不 No, no. No, no, Blaire, no.
你特别聪明 你也很努力 You're wicked smart. You work hard.
-这是你应得的 -他说得对 布莱尔 You deserve it. - He's right, Blaire.
你有很强的分析能力 You've got a great analytical mind.
我得睡一觉考虑一晚 I'm going to have to sleep on that.
哦 还有一件事 我们需要你的车 Oh, and one more thing, we're going to need your bike.
嗨 约翰尼 Oh. Hi, Johnny.
你想感受一下那些恐怖的眼球吗 You want to feel some spooky eyeballs?
我只是在开玩笑的 I'm just kidding.
它们只是去了皮的葡萄 They're just peeled grapes.
我不会伤害任何人的 约翰尼 Oh, I'd never really hurt anyone, Johnny.
妈 我受不了这家伙了 Mom, I cannot take this guy anymore.
怎么了 What's the matter?
威尔 好吗 他 他是个怪胎 WiII, OK? He's- - he's a freak.
他是个疯子 你就不能让他走吗 He's crazy. Can't you get him to leave?
他是你的朋友啊 约翰尼 Well, he's your friend, Johnny.
如果你想让他离开 就得你去请他离开 If you want him to leave, you'll have to ask him.
他不是我的朋友 He's not my friend.
是你邀请他过来的 再说 他都40岁了 You invited him over. Plus, he's like 40.
我已经47岁了 我们还是朋友呢 Well, I'm 47, and we're friends.
对啊 你是我妈妈啊 Yeah, you're my mom.
即使你还在我肚子里的时候 Even when you were still in my guts
你也会踢我的子宫颈 但我知道你只是在说 you used to kick my cervix, but I knew it was you just saying,
嗨 我等不及要出来做朋友了 hi, I can't wait to come out and be friends.
行 行 好吧 我来 Yeah, yeah. Fine, I'll do it.
好 好 Yeah, yeah.
天啊 Oh, my God.
哦 不不不 Oh, no, no, no.
-好吧 -威尔 AII right. - Will?
你在里面吗 You in there?
是的 请进 Yeah, come on in.
真不敢相信我们居然 Oh, I cannot believe we're taking
在同一时间洗澡 a bath at the same time.
就像我们在一起洗澡一样 You know, it's like we're taking a bath together.
好了 我得走了 AlI right, I got to go.
但我 我晚点再跟你说 爸爸 But I'lI- I'II talk to you later, Dad.
我爱你 I love you.
我爱 啊 I love- - ah.
他没听到 Didn't get him.
搞什么鬼 老兄 What the fuck, dude?
什么搞什么 What the fuck what?
谁会跑到别人家 Who just comes over to somebody's house
钻进别人的浴缸里泡澡 and gets in their tub?
嗯 我会 Uh, I do.
这叫做充分利用生命 It's called making the most out of life.
有些人等着收到派对邀请 我就直接开始 Some people wait for an invite to the party, I start it.
我会抓住时机 约翰尼 I seize the moment, Johnny.
你看 完美的例子 你整晚都在闷闷不乐 You see, perfect example, you've been a drip all night.
你猜怎么着 我度过了一个美妙的夜晚 Guess what? I've had a killer evening.
你一直很伤心 为什么 You've been all sad, Why?
因为你的泰迪熊不见了吗 Because your teddy bear is gone?
生活不是这样的 That's not how you do life.
你要抓住每一个机会 You got to grab every chance you can
去创造你自己的幸福 to make your own happiness.
为什么浴缸水是黑色的 Why is the water black?
及时行乐 约翰尼 及时行乐 Carpe diem, Johnny, carpe diem.
当你看到一个机会可以让你开心 抓住它 When you see a chance to turn your day around, grab it!
好吧 AlI right
现在 我要去远足了 Now, I'm going to take a hike.
如果你需要我 Hey, you ever need me,
就把我的名字刻在胳膊上（以示深切的爱意） you scratch my name into your arm.
然后你就会出现吗 And you'll show up?
我不知道 I don't know.
从来没试过 Never tried it.
嗨 马蒂 Hi, Matty.
你想要什么 What do you want?
听着 克莱门汀啄了你一口 Hey, listen, I felt really bad about Clementine
我真的很抱歉 giving you that bite.
我想补偿你 And I wanted to make it up to you.
鸡蛋吗 Eggs?
鸵鸟蛋 Ostrich eggs.
每只大约有24个鸡蛋大 Each one is about 24 chicken eggs.
我该拿这些东西怎么办 What the hell am I supposed to do with these?
我又不认识24个人 I don't know 24 people.
及时行乐 约翰尼 及时行乐 Carpe diem, Johnny, carpe diem.
当你看到一个机会可以让你开心 抓住它 When you see a chance to turn your day around, grab it.
你知道什么很棒吗 You know what's great?
打蛋 Crack.
嗨 爸 Hey, Dad.
嘿 你这机器人服装不错啊 Hey, nice robot costume.
这些是你爸爸被扫地出门搬家用的箱子吗 Those the boxes your dad used to move out?
嘿 你又是谁 傻蛋骑士吗 Hey, who are you? The Dork Knight?
我是蝙蝠侠 I'm Batman!
搞什么啊 Ow! What the fuck?
你个混蛋 You asshole!
嘿 你扮的是谁 Hey, hey, who are you supposed to be?
奥运会花样滑冰选手斯科特·汉密尔顿 Olympic figure skater Scott Hamilton.
算了 我不砸你也会有一堆人收拾你的 Oh, man, you're going to have enough trouble.
你走吧 Keep moving.
嘿 外星人 Oh, hey, ET!
尝尝这个 你这坨巧克力味的屎 Take this, you Reese's piece of shit.
哦 糟了 Oh, crap.
搞什么啊 What the fuck?
天啊 Oh, my God.
我们一直都是这么对别人的吗 Is this what we've been doing to people?
我们错了 约翰尼 We were wrong, Johnny.
我们错了 We were wrong!
听着 伙计 我很抱歉 Hey, listen, man, I'm really sorry I
没能及时赶回来 didn't get back in time.
但你知道吗 But you know what?
我觉得这样对大家都好 I think it was for the best.
我也是 Me too.
我是说 能意识到我自己也可以玩得开心 I mean, it was kind of nice to see if I could
是件好事 actually have fun on my own.
这听起来很健康 像是成长了 That sounds healthy, like growth.
是啊 感觉像是成长了 Yeah, it felt like growth.
你成长了 You grew.
今晚你成长了 You grew tonight.
真的 I really did.
你今晚过得怎么样 So how was your night?
我差点被一个教授强奸 I was almost raped by a professor.
但现在我有了一辆电瓶车 所以没事了 But now I got a moped, so it's fine.
好吧 既然我们确定我们 Well, now that we know for sure
可以独立存在 以后就别再这么做了 that we can exist on our own, let's never do it again.
噢 才不行 我差点死在外面 Oh, fuck no. I was dying out there.
-你想嗑药吗 -当然 - Do you want to get high? - Absolutely.
等等 不 时候未到 Wait. No, not yet.
今晚我还有一件事要做 There's one more thing I got to do tonight.
-救我 -天呐 Help me. - Oh, my God!
天呐 Jesus Christ!
你吓死我了 You scared the shit out of me.
吓到你了 混蛋 Got you, motherfucker.
该死 Oh, damn.
你知道吗 布莱尔 You know, Blaire, there
其实有些事我 actually is something I- -
我是来告诉你的 I came here to tell you.
好的 OK.
我和约翰尼一直觉得你是个扫兴鬼 You know, me and Johnny always think you're like,
但今晚挺有意思的 this buzzkill, but tonight was kind of fun.
你真是挺有趣的 You're kind of fucking fun.
我得承认 我 Well, I got to admit, I- -
我也挺开心的 I kind of had fun too.
我是说 虽然拖车花了我80块 I mean, the towing cost me$80, and I still
我还没车了 但不管怎样 don't have a fucking car, but for what it's worth,
我真的很感激你想为我着想 I really do appreciate you trying to look out for me,
即使你想错了 even if you were wrong.
对了 我有东西要给你 Oh, by the way, I got something for you.
这是给你的 This is for you.
麦当劳的苹果派吗 A McDonald's apple pie?
对 Yeah, yeah.
我想留着的 不过给你吧 I was saving it, but it's all yours.
已经在冰箱里放了两个月了 I've had it in the freezer for two months,
现在应该不烫了 so it's probably cooled off by now.
-天啊 -草 草 - Oh, my God. - Oh, shit, oh, shit.
拿条毛巾来 找点东西盖住它 Get a towel. Get something to cover it.
-拿条湿毛巾 -我在拿 - Get a wet towel. - I am.
天啊 我们要失去这该死的房子了 Oh, my God, We're gonna lose the fucking house!
我们都要死了 We're all going to diel
有什么事吗 Can I help you?
嘿 我是卡罗尔的儿子 Hey, I'm Carol's son.
我刚从派对回来 I just got home from a party.
我妈妈让我来这里和一个 My mom told me to come here and hang out
叫约翰的人一起玩 with somebody named John.
等等 你才是卡罗尔的儿子 Wait, you're Carol's son?